I am Spintax the Green, wizard of Foon, 4,9819th Prisoner in the County of Cooks in the realm of Earth and I have been given COMPUTER TIME!

— SpintaxTheGreen (@SpintaxTheGreen) October 28, 2015

My first order of business upon arriving on Earth was to replenish my stores of rendered child fat before resuming my quest to stop the Void

— SpintaxTheGreen (@SpintaxTheGreen) October 28, 2015

After leaving the Oracle of the King of Burgers, I soon came upon a series of chutes and ladders I mistook for a municipal child trap

— SpintaxTheGreen (@SpintaxTheGreen) October 28, 2015

In Foon, in times of great famine, it is permitted for parents to abandon children in thick dark forests in order to save themselves.

— SpintaxTheGreen (@SpintaxTheGreen) October 28, 2015

In urban areas, where thick dark woods are not near to hand, city elders erect complicated entanglements to snare burdensome children.

— SpintaxTheGreen (@SpintaxTheGreen) October 28, 2015

Children, being foolish, are readily ensnared in the panoply of nets, chains, and tubes, giving their parents time enough to slip away.

— SpintaxTheGreen (@SpintaxTheGreen) October 28, 2015

I thought to avail myself of a brace of unwanted children, only to discover they were under watch by a sisterhood called The Nannies.

— SpintaxTheGreen (@SpintaxTheGreen) October 28, 2015

Anyways, turns out everybody takes attempted child abduction pretty seriously here on Earth.

— SpintaxTheGreen (@SpintaxTheGreen) October 28, 2015

But what hope does this prison for men have for holding Spintax the Green? NONE! AND WHEN I HAVE REGAINED MY LIBERTY I SHALL RAIN DOWN...

— SpintaxTheGreen (@SpintaxTheGreen) October 28, 2015

I'm told my computer time has come to an end and I must relinquish this devise. But I shall return! To Twitter! To my quest! And to Foon!

— SpintaxTheGreen (@SpintaxTheGreen) October 28, 2015